Last year I went 16-13-3. 55% is great. Shout out to me. Here's this years attempt to break even with season totals.
Cardinals 🐔 4.5-
Last year, the Bear's Under was -190 and it covered. So with this at -175, I trust it to happen. I don't have the red badge of courage to take their over. Cardinals Under -175.
Falcons 🐤 8.5-
I don't watch Falcons games and I don't know anything about them aside from their colors are sick and they employed the OG Michael Vick. Falcons Over -134.
Ravens 🐦 10.5-
Lamar Jackson was the last person who demanded that I watch college football so I'm loyal to my guy. Go find someone else to pick against Lamar because that person won't be me. Ravens Over +104.
Bills 🐃 10.5-
This team has Captain America who is now dating Hailee Steinfeld. You think that Captain America is going to win 10 games or less? OK, good luck with that. Bills Over -150.
Panthers 🐆 7.5-
I'm compelled to support Shaq Thompson as the best Sacramento footballer of all-time but the quarterback on this team is going to die before week 4, and then they'll have a backup quarterback. No thank you.Panthers Under -125.
Bears 🐻 7.5-
This team sucks. After being the worst team in the NFL, their total went up by, like, four wins. Justin Fields is no Lamar Jackson. Bill Polian would be justified in his desire to make Justin a wide receiver.Bears Under +110
Bengals 🐅 11.5-
I like Joe Burrow. His LSU highlights were absurd. Last year, he abused Captain America in Buffalo. I don't pick against Joe Burrow. I have that written down somewhere. White Bengals Over +110.
Browns 🐶 9.5-
I don't trust Desaun Watson to get back to being good. I trust his teammates to resent him for signing the contract that was meant for Lamar Jackson. Oh, this team always sucks. Browns Under -134.
Cowboys 🤠 10-
Dak Prescott is such a faggot but I believe in this team to continue the trend of the NFC East division winner always being different. Cowboys over -150.
Broncos 🐴 8.5-
This was one of my best Under picks last year, so I'm staying on that train. Broncos Under -115.
Lions 🦁 9.5-
I read a puff piece in The Athletic trying to convince people that this isn't the Same Old Lions. Go ahead and believe that. I'll stay over here. Lions Under +105.
Packers 🧀 7.5-
Sure, I'll buy the Packers being better without the "enlightened" Aaron Rodgers. Packers Over -140.
Texans 🐂 6.5-
This team always fucks me because I believe they can be competent.Texans Over +116.
Colts 🐎 6.5-
Last year, I was smart for fading them. This year, I think Anthony Richardson will make me fall in love with him.Colts Over -120.
Jaguars 🐆 9.5-
Last year I took their Over, and this year they might be my favorite Under. Jaguars Under +118.
Chiefs 🏹 11.5-
I'm not taking their Under. Chiefs Over -130.
Chargers 🔌 9.5-
I watched their playoff collapse and it made me stop watching the playoffs. It was so bad that it made me not want to ever watch football again. Justin Herbert is too chickenshit to get creative or do what's right. Chargers Over -129.
Rams 🐏 6.5-
Last year, I took their over and it made me feel retarded. Rams Under -125.
Raiders 🏴 6.5-
This coach was the one responsible for Tim Tebow. Raiders Under -130.
Dolphins 🐬 9.5-
I really like The Cheetah. Dolphins Over -110.
Vikings 🗡️ 8.5-
I don't watch this team or make any effort to. Vikings Over -110.
Patriots 🇺🇸 7.5-
This is my favorite over because somehow they went Over last year and this year, their total lowered and it seems like they got better. Patriots Over +115.
Saints ⚜️ 9.5-
Derrick Carr is alright! Saints Over +105.
Giants 🏢 7.5-
Sure, I'll take their over. I guess their coach makes teams good. Giants Over -105.
Jets ✈️ 9.5-
I've heard their coach talk and it made me understand how he convinced a woman to have seven children for him. That makes me jealous so I'll take their under. Jets Under +105.
Eagles 🦅 11.5-
I love this team. I love the people of Philadelphia. Everything went right for them last year and they lost the championship so I'm taking their under because I belive that when you fail, it's hard to get back in a position to fail again. Eagles Under -125.
Steelers ⛓️ 8.5-
When I saw that I picked their under last year, I felt like a huge idiot. That's not happening again, so I'm taking their over. Steelers Over -150.
49ers ⛏️ 10.5-
I want to be Nick Bosa. This team is a squadron of death. 49ers Over -150.
Seahawks 🦅 8.5-
Let me fade this team that defied expectations last year.Seahawks Under +125.
Bucs ⛵ 6.5-
Uncle Tom is done propping this sad franchise up. They should be paying Mike Evans just because he's been a role model for a professional wide receiver for the last decade. Since the Glazer's aren't paying Big Mike, I'm fading the Bucs.Bucs Under -142.
Titans ⚔️ 7.5-
They have a cornerback who's dad left the stovetop on and made the house explode. Aside from that, this team has my trust for inexplicable reasons. Titans Over -125.
Redskins 😡 6.5-
Ron Rivera is an embarrassment to the Mexican-American community. Redskins Under -120.