Over. A real part of me wants to take their under because Trae Young is a little boy who misses shots and allows the other team to score. I want to be the person who holds that truth to be self-evident. That no amount of free agent spending can cover the fact that Trae Young is not a person you build a winning NBA franchise around. But being right is what matters most, and the Leastern Conference isnât NBA basketball. Itâs Leastern Conference Basketball. Also, if Trae Young gets hurt and Great Barrier Thief becomes the primary ball-handler, this team becomes what it should be and wins more games. Trae is starting to get hurt more often so letâs count that as another reason to take the Hawksâ over. Still though, this is mostly about the state of the Leastern Conference.
Over. Jrue Holiday has been washed up on offense. Thatâs why the Bucks traded him and picks for Dame. Tatum is great. Al Horford is 40, and Porzingis didnât play. So is what left Boston really 20 wins worth of talent? This might be dumb because the Celtics have a motivation to lose games and draft high, but I believe in the players left on the roster to win games against the Leastern Conference. People donât respect Derrick âAlien Eyesâ White and Payton âP Rabbitâ Pritchard. Well I do, so Iâm taking their over.
Under. Michael âBoy Toyâ Porter Jr is toxic, radioactive and someone who I want to see choke on their own vomit.
Over. Fuck you, I love LaMelo. Heâs healthy right now and I know it wonât last, but I need to have hope in life. I need to have hope that LaMelo will play games like he did in his second year. Brandon Miller has recovered from breaking some bones. Miles Bridges is looking like he got his firearms license renewed in North Carolina during the preseason. This total is very low. Letâs have some fun.
Over. This is awful. Thereâs no hope in this world when it comes to the Chicago Bulls. But we take their over every year and it cashes.
Over. This was a serious team last year and they choke in embarrassing fashion every postseason but we take their over and we donât think twice about it.
Under. DLo is washed up now. Cooper Flagg is Jesus Christ reincarnated, but weâre skeptical that he is ready to bring the ball up and pass it to Anthony âFrida Kahloâ Davis often enough to create an average NBA offense. Sorry, Jesus. Oh yeah, this is the real conference so weâre looking for unders.
Over. Nikola âLord Voldemortâ Jokic has had his Death Eaters reassemble. The ministry has fallen. They are coming.
Over. Yes, we know Jaden Ivey is seriously injured again. Yes, we know that Malik Beasley has crashed out of the league. Oh well. This team played a competitive series in the playoffs last year, Cade has a real team and coach around him, and the Leastern Conference is demanding teams to step up and be serious contenders.
Under. This team is too old. This team is whatâs wrong with America. Death by the gerintocracy.
Under. This team was not good without Fred âSteady Freddyâ VanVleet last year and Steady Freddy is out for the year. The Durantula has been coming in to teams and making them worse for about 5 years now.
Over. Now TJ is out too?!? Goddamnit! Weâre still riding the obvious competence of the Rabbits who never tank.
Under. We ride the Clippers when everyone doubts them, and we fade them when everyone starts getting too big for their britches and believes in this team. Right now, it feels like there are good vibes around the Clippers so weâre going to take their under. Kawhi ended the year being able to stand on his own two feet. Little Game James is signed up for another year of regular season fake stats. Brook LĂłpez was signed to be a back-up. See, everything is going great for the Clippers! Under.
Under. Who is making catch-and-shoot threes on this team? Gabe Fucking Vincent? Who else? LeBron is starting the season with an ass injury. Who is guarding the opponentsâ good players on this team? Jarred Vanderbilt? How is DeAndre Ayton going to do against serious teams in the Bestern Conference? We donât know. We love Lord Luka and Austin Reaves but everyone else on this team (besides Gabe Fucking Vincent), leaves us wanting.
Under. This team is a crash out and they play in the Bestern Conference. Can they trade for Dillon Brooks to come back?!
Under. We donât believe in Anthony Edwards to be a steward of above-average offense. Thatâs what Mike Conley did last year and he wonât do that this year. Rudy âFrench Rejectionâ Gobert is starting to get too calcified. He moved with more grace when he was leading the Jazz to 60 wins in the regular season.
Under. We donât take the Pelicansâ over. Ever.
Under. Tom Thibodeau is not someone who we think is âsmartâ. Mike Brown led the Sacramento Queens to a 3-seed. So we donât believe that a downgrade in âcoachingâ happened. However, we donât ride Karl âKovidâ Towns.
Over. Everyone came back and everyone returned better. Easy decision.
Under. We suspect that they will get overwhelmed with injuries again.
Under. We never ride the 76ers.
Under. We want to take their over but then we think about how they roster Jalen Green. Then we remember how Devin Booker scored 70 in a game that he lost and we remember how the Suns donât win dick when Devin Booker is in charge of the show. And weâre always looking for an Under in the Bestern Conference.
Under. There is no âaverageâ in the Bestern Conference. Thereâs the Real, and the Fake. The Blazers are a part of the Fake.
Over. The dipshit refs are letting Wembanyama travel now so weâre taking the Spursâ over.
Over. Sorry, but we just get the sense that the Queens are being (rightfully) laughed at and blatantly underestimated. We hate the Queens just as much as the next person but getting this Over right would be sick.
Under. No. Scottie B isnât what we wanted him to be. Brandon Ingram isnât hurt right now but he will be. Rowan Barrett misses free throws. This team sucks. Sorry Bobby Webster. We really appreaciate how you responded to a comment we made on Reddit about how Dalton Kinect wasnât a complete shit-bag. You were right. Dalton is a complete shit-bag.
Over. We know that this team wants to lose but we see â18.5â and we take that over. No questions asked.
Under. We take the Wizardsâ under. Itâs what we do.