2026-27 NBA Win Total Predictions: All 30 Over/Unders

2026-27 NBA Win Total Predictions: All 30 Over/Unders

Wrong: Hawks 46.5 Over, Nets 19.5 Under, Bulls 33.5 Over, Cavs 56.5 Over, Pacers 37.5 Over, Lakers 46.5 Under, Sixers 42.5 Under, Suns 30.5 Under, Blazers 34.5 Under, Queens 35.5 Over, Raptors 39.5 Under,

Right: Celtics 41.5 Over, Hornets 27.5 Over, Mavs 41.5 Under, Nuggets 53.5 Over, Pistons 46.5 Over, Warriors 47.5 Under, Rockets 52.5 Under, Clippers 47.5 Under, Grizzlies 39.5 Under, Timberwolves 49.5 Under, Pelicans 30.5 Under, Knicks 53.5 Under, Thunder 62.5 Over, Magic 51.5 Under, Spurs 44.5 Over, Jazz 18.5 Over, Wizards 20.5 Under

Record: 17-11

2026-2027 NBA Win Total Over Under Predictions:

Atlanta Hawks 🐦43.5 -

Over. The Hawks were the only team to beat the Knicks twice during the playoffs. The Knicks were on a mind-meld as a team and playing The Beautiful Game. The Hawks are a young, up-and-coming roster. We love Onyeka Okongwu. We’ve loved him since he was a freshman at Chino Hills High School on the best public high school team in history. NAW is someone who has had to overcome relatively low expectations when he entered the league. Jalen Johnson has durability concerns so that’s a problem. CJ McCollum likes to spread the White Man’s propaganda about “higher education” while he’s not playing basketball but when he’s playing basketball, he puts the ball in the bucket. The Thunder castaways are winning players. There was never a doubt that we would take the Hawks’ over.

Celtics 🍀51.5 -

Over. We take the Celtics’ regular-season win total Over every year. Then we fade them in the playoffs when they play a team that is ok with adjusting their strategy and general playing style into a way that best accommodates winning. Derrick “Alien Eyes” White will shoot better this year. P Rabbit has y’all niggas in for a rude awakening. Mitchell “Stepson” Robinson will allow the team to shoot more threes after he gets offensive rebounds. Who is taking this Under and what are their reasons?!?

Nets 🏀24.5 -

Over. Julius Randle plays Winning Basketball during the regular season. The playoff runs he went on with the Wolves might have been lowkey fraudulent and the way that the Wolves exited was absolutely disgusting and pathetic, but Julius Randle was a big part of teams that refused to do anything other than make the Bestern Conference Finals. Go ahead and tell me that the Leastern Conference is better than the Bestern Conference this year. Go ahead and ignore the fact that the name of the conference is the “Leastern Conference” and that the name of the other conference is the “Bestern Conference”. It’s in the name! It’s in the game! Where is that advertising campaign phrase from? How is my mind infected with corporate poison? Michael “Boy Toy” Porter is finding truth in life by interviewing people on his YouTube channel who aren’t afraid to detail how Zionists from Israel are plotting to destroy the world so that they can rebuild the world in a way that they see fit on the southern banks of Lebanon. Every professional NBA jackass writer will chuckle and say how that’s “crazy”. Fuck the people who make money off of watching the NBA preseason! They’re pussies! They say that Kylie Jenner is “really hot” without acknowledging how she paid for those TITS, lips, nose, and (maybe) stomach work. The NBA Media is captured and if you know that, you’re taking the Nets’ Over. Do they not control their draft pick?! Keon Ellis finally has a chance to play. You bet on players who leave the Queens’ organization and the retardation of Vivek Ranadive. Who knows, maybe Egor Demin will be average now that he’s not a rookie. Nic Claxton was a team cancer. We know that because of how ridiculous that foul on Dyson “Great Barrier Thief” Daniels was.

Hornets 🐝 39.5 -

Under. First of all, Kon Knueppel and Coby White are entering the season extremely injured and that’s a huge problem. Second of all, they traded away their team identity in the offseason. If you want to make an enemy out of me, you besmirch LaMelo Ball. The Hornets besmirched LaMelo so they made an enemy out of me. Brandon Miller is dying to tear his labrum. Naz Reid is great but he’s being set in the 30s of ESPN fantasy basketball rankings and that’s insane for someone who’s never proven it as a starter. If the Hornets would’ve just done nothing and kept AirBnb (Ball and Bridges), we would’ve taken their Over. They didn’t do that so we’re taking their Under.

Bulls 🐂 29.5 -

Over. We were wrong about their Over last year. We’re tempted to be spiteful and take their Under but the total went down a smidge. Just enough to make us pretty sure that we’re going to look back at this after the season and be like “Oh the Bulls won 30 games and barely proved us right. Whatever.”

Cavs 🤺 47.5 -

Over. Is Max “Schnitzel” Strus still on this team?! No, he’s on the Clippers now. Two years ago, this team won 60 games. Last year they went under their total. Peyton Watson might be average, who knows. Little Game James usually drives winning during the preseason. Ugh, this team is so boring. 48 wins doesn’t seem like that much of an ask. Embarrassing playoff flameout, and that makes us want to take the Under. But we’re not.

Mavericks 🐴 34.5 -

Under. We worship at the altar of Cooper Flagg. Is Kyrie really going to play 60 games for the Mavericks? He had a hard time playing 55 games when he was 28 and had never torn his ACL. Is he 35 now?!? No but he turns 35 this year! Who is the third-best player on this team right now?! PJ Washington?! Under!

Nuggets ⛏️ 49.5 -

Under. Y’all niggas too PUSSY to take the Under on the Dark Lord?!? Well we’re not! Fuck this team. Fuck the Kroenke’s for only turning the career of the Dark Lord into one championship. Bad vibes on this team. MORTIFYING playoff FLAMEOUT at the hands of Ayo Dosunmu, Naz Reid and French Rejection. Does anyone talk about how French Rejection was BETTER than the Dark Lord during that playoff SERIES?!?! We don’t know because we don’t talk about basketball like that with people, but we severely doubt it. We Severusly Snapely doubt it. Didn’t Alan Richman die? Well this team died too. So sad. If my mom could understand how badly the Kroenke’s screwed up having the Dark Lord on their team, she wouldn’t believe that billionaires were smarter than us and deserved their sinful wealth.

Pistons 🚗 49.5 -

Under. Didn’t they win 60 games last year?! We watched those playoff games. We saw Jamal Cain cost Jalen Duren $100 million dollars by dunking ALL OVER his bitch azz! Did Angel Reese stop having sex with Jalen Duren as soon as she saw that?! We don’t think so because, evidently, Angel was having sex with Wendell before that series started so the timeline for terminating sexual contact with Jalen Duren doesn’t line up with The Dunk. Cade was healthy last year and he has a history of not being as healthy as he could be.

Warriors ⚡37.5 -

Under. This team is old, slow, and small. We do love Yaxel Lendeborg but he won’t make up for the dreck that constitutes the rest of the roster.

Rockets 🚀48.5 -

Over. Now this team is big, fast, and young! We like the Rockets a lot now that they have Steady Freddy back. That playoff game that Reed Sheppard pissed away to LeBron and Marcus Smart was hilarious.

Pacers 🏎️43.5 -

Over. We want to be the ones proven right for being skeptical that the Pacers come back from taking a year off and immediately return to their Basketball Mind Meld. But we can’t do it. We love this team and that clouds our decision-making. Uncle Pascal was my dad’s best and oldest friend from Cameroon! C’mon, it’s Uncle Pascal! Rick Carlisle is one of those old people who would pass our theoretical Old People Test. A test given annually to seniors to decide whether or not they are gassed and cremated. It’s one of those things that we campaigned on when we ran (and won) the democratic election for the position of “World Dictator”. Terms are four years and limited to one term. The position is unpaid. You run for the love of the game. In this case, the “love of the game” is killing old people who spend 20 years doing nothing but look hideous and clog up the healthcare system.

Clippers ⛵28.5 -

Over. We’re actually very good at predicting what will happen with the Clippers! Our system is called “Fade them when idiots like them and Endorse them when idiots don’t like them”. So our system gives us the green light to go Over. Give me just one night! I’m ready to go right now!

Lakers ⭐ 46.5 -

Over. Sure. We’ll take the over. We’re going to fade them when the playoffs start though! We’re concerned about Austin Reaves finding a way to increase his lateral explosiveness and agility. Quentin Grimes needs to be allowed to shoot the ball. He’s good!

Grizzlies 🐻29.5 -

Under. This team is really young and Zac Edey seems very important to their chances of going Over. Since we don’t trust Zac Edey to play 25 games, we’re taking the Under and we’re not thinking that much about it.

Heat 🔥46.5 -

Over. La flama blanca! Listen, we still have the playoff shirt from 2023. Erik Spoelstra turned Gabe Fucking Vincent into a great player. If Spoelstra can do that then he can turn Pelle Larson into an above-average player! Giannis won’t play 60 games. Nigerian Chupacabra won’t score more than 60 in a game this season. Whatever. We’re trusting La Flama Blanca to get this ticket to the window! To the wall!

Bucks 🦌 25.5 -

Over. Everyone wants to talk mess about this team. We feel those vibes and we’re all to happy to be contrarians against that smack-talk of our nigga Ryan Rollins. We’ve gone on a lot of really fun pilgrimages to Target with our nigga Ryan. We’re going to allow that personal relationship to cloud our judgment and take the Buck’s Over.

Timberwolves 🐺 48.5 -

Under. What has this team ever done without Julius Randle?! LOL but seriously, we love LaMelo. We love him so much that we’re betting against him and his availability. If LaMelo proves us wrong and plays 60 games, then we’ll be happy. If LaMelo plays 30 games then we’ll be happy because the Wolves will go under.

Pelicans 🐤 28.5 -

Under. This team is gross. If they had traded Zion, we would’ve gone Over. But they haven’t. And they probably won’t. Isn’t Joe Dumars in charge of this team?!

Knicks 👖 52.5 -

Under. Easy call. Being the defending champion is hard.

Thunder ⛈️ 62.5 -

Over. Friends don’t let friends take the Thunder Under.

Magic 🪄 43.5 -

Over. We like that they changed coaches. The last coach was toxic. With a coach that isn’t toxic, this team should be good.

Sixers 🔔 50.5 -

Over. We really want to pick against Ebola Embiid but this team is kinda really good!

Suns ☀️ 40.5 -

Under. We don’t believe that this organization will handle it’s “Sophie’s Choice” correctly. The choice between playing Jalen Green OR Collin Gillespie. Jalen is entering the season healthy this year and the team will play him over Gillespie. That will lose them games. Didn’t Dillon Brooks have an uncharacteristically great shooting season last year?! “Oh” Devin Booker sucks. He’s the symbol of “pretty privilege” in the NBA. Jalen Hurts is that symbol in the NFL.

Trail Blazers 🌲 41.5 -

Under. Gross roster construction that prioritizes small, weak players. A truly repugnant owner who we will never endorse in any way. If America ever gets the balls to have the civil war that it desperately needs, the Blazers Owner needs to be one of the first people sent to the guillotine.

Spurs 🤠 59.5 -

Over. Friends don’t let friends take the Under on The Wembanyama.

Queens 👑 21.5 -

Over. This total is crazy. This team went under last year. The win total last year was much higher and we suspect that there are a lot of people making Revenge Bets against this team for being so repugnant last year. Having said all that, look at this roster. There can’t be a worse one.

Raptors 🦖 46.5 -

Over. The 2019 Raptors are our favorite team of all time. We have to acknowledge that. We love Kawhi Leonard both for how he plays basketball and for how he takes money from billionaires. So we’re emotionally compromised here. Having said that, this Raptors team was very plucky against the Cavs in the playoffs.

Jazz 🎶 37.5 -

Over. Sure! We’ll take a ride on the wild side! Have some fun! Take the Jazz Over!

Wizards 🧙 34.5 -

Under. No. We fade the Wizards. Hell no.