Record: 44-41
“What was left unfinished there will be finished now,” said Woundwort. “We are going to destroy you.”
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You questioned whether it would happen in the moment but then you understood that yes, the Spurs were really going to be unable to undertake the process of executing a legitimate offensive possession while General Woundwort was going to WALK THEM DOWN and win the game. RIP Becky Hammon.
Is General Woundwort really about to do this? Yes. He always was. The entire Knicks team believed in General Woundwort for every second of this series. Josh Hart never deviated from the “immediately pass the ball to General Woundwort” offense. The Knicks had a plan, but more than that, they had a belief that they felt in their bones.
What was the moment when we understood that General Woundwort was really going to take the Knicks home while the Spurs were about to drown in indecision? The first three-shot foul that General Woundwort had on the Spurs. We believe that Stephon Castle was the first defender to bite on a pump-fake and give General Woundwort three foul shots. Devin Vassell was the second. We’re pretty sure and we’re not going to spend time fact-checking that. But yeah, something about biting on pump-fakes in the middle of the fourth quarter, gives you the impression that there’s a mental game going on that the Spurs are not fit to win. Since we just finished The Hustler, we can gracefully talk about “The Clutch”. The point in any game where someone needs to take a moment to empty their mind, respect the moment, and approach the situation with their best. With a full understanding and appreciation for the need to win and the importance of giving your best. Something about jumping on shot-fakes gives us the impression that you are not meeting The Clutch. We’re not going to go further into the analysis of that opinion. It’s up to you whether you take it or leave it. But yeah, the Spurs did that twice in a relatively short span in the fourth quarter. From the two people on the team who are supposed to be the best-suited for guarding General Woundwort. Yes, General Woundwort really broke the Spurs. The six-foot man really took the 7’-5” Goliath and cracked his skull open. The American really won that. That’s amazing.
All of the culture, sophistication, and efficiency that Élodie incubated The Wembanyama in was no match for the Chicago summer humidity that Rick Brunson drowned General Woundowort in. Rick was like, “Oh, you think drawing and playing chess will open up your son’s mind to do things that no giant has done before? Well, eat this dick. My son is going to beat your enlightenment with middy pull-ups. That’s right bitch, AMERICA!”
Here’s a fun stat! The Knicks scored 94 points as a team. General Woundwort scored 45 of them. When did Elon bring up the idea of doubling General Woundwort? Go ahead and rewatch all of General Woundwort’s made field goals in the fourth quarter. He literally sent The Wembanyama to the bench because he dusted him so bad on a layup that Elon finally had to admit that he couldn’t leave The Wembanyama in for the whole fourth quarter. Maybe next playoffs, Elon can have the discipline to keep The Wembanyama from playing over forty minutes in regulation during the playoffs. Maybe that will get Elon ready to win an NBA championship. What else can Elon learn from this? Of course, besides insisting that the BMN stay seated behind him. There’s the part about putting De’Aaron Fox on the bench but that’s for “Brian Wright” to handle with a trade. There’s the part where Elon can demand that his players double-team the guy scoring half of the other team’s points. That feels like a solid point of emphasis for Elon this offseason. Oh, here’s the big one! When The Clutch came, what did Stephon Castle do? Castle spent 12 seconds trying to dribble around Josh Hart before taking a terrible fadeaway midrange shot that never had a chance of going in. Did Stephon Castle swing the ball to a wide-open Devin Vassell so that Vassell could swing the ball to the corner where General Woundwort was defending Julian Champagnie? No. It was ugly watching Stephon Castle drown in his own filth during The Clutch. Is someone on the Spurs coaching staff going to repeatedly ask him if he’s a “point guard” after painstakingly describing every minute detail of what led to terrible outcomes during this fourth quarter? There’s some “growth” that needs to happen with Stephon Castle. We remember imbibing in content that painted Stephon Castle as someone who fancied himself as a “point guard” so we really doubt that anyone in his life is soberly breaking him down and reminding him that he had 20 turnovers in two games during the Bestern Conference Finals or that he bit on shot fakes while refusing to pass the ball during The Clutch of Game 5 in The Finals. Why would anyone tell Stephon Castle that? That would be a difficult conversation.
It’s hard to stay focused on the Knicks because this game was so obviously about the Spurs choking on their own vomit.
How did the Knicks even get to 94 points with Kovid Towns scoring just 2 while fouling out in 22 minutes?! Well, Mr Attendance and Josh Hart with a smattering of OG.
Mr Attendance scored all of his points from the middle of the second quarter when the Knicks were down 15 to the middle of the third quarter, where (were vs where) the Knicks were down 9. So not a huge swing in the score, but a meaningful one. Watching the game live, you completely forgot about everything that Mr Attendance did but then you look at the box score and realize that he was their second-leading scorer and then you look back at the highlights and realize he carried the Knicks’ offense for that 12-minute stretch.
Josh Hart went 3-6 from three and those makes were all wide-open shots that the Spurs dared him to make. You’re going to be tempted to pardon Josh Hart for missing that layup and not boxing out Stephon Castle in Game 4. Don’t. Hold on to that grudge forever. If you forget, you’re playing everyone else’s game and that’s how you get fucked in life. Fuck Josh Hart. He was excellent in Game 5. OK, “excellent” is way too generous. Josh Hart made enough threes to convince you that he wasn’t a complete shitbag who was an offensive anchor on the ship that General Woundwort was steering.
OG Anunoby made his first corner three and then missed every other three-point attempt. OG was bad. Not fine. Bad. Three steals. Julian Champagnie could not dribble during this game without losing possession of the basketball and we have to credit OG Anunoby with that. The one block that OG had was a shot-clock grenade that Castle had to put up. So that block wasn’t actually very important. It certainly wasn’t the same as his block on De’Aaron to enable the tip that won Game 4. Shout out De’Aaron Fox!
Did the Knicks have a moment during the third quarter where it looked like they were losing their composure because the dipshit refs refused to give General Woundwort one of those awful “landing zone” shooting fouls? Yes, but the Knicks never actually did and they closed the fuck out of this game and this series.
Remember how The Wembanyama had 5 blocks in the first quarter and you wondered how the Knicks would get to 75 points for the game? Well, that didn’t last! Mr Attendance and Josh Hart turned the ship around with made threes and General Woundwort took the game over in the second half and probably scored 30 points during that time frame. Yes, Landry Shamet scored 5 points in the beginning of the fourth quarter, but other than that, there were just four combined points from Kovid Towns and stepson. Kovid Towns, 5 turnovers, 1 assist, 1-7 shooting. Remember when he was going to be the Finals MVP and the guy who General Woundwort needed to give the ball to more? Me neither. We’re agreeing that neither of us said that.
Did stepson really ice the game by allowing the Knicks to get an offensive rebound off a missed free throw? Yes. Did stepson make a complete ass of The Wembanyama for demonstrably saying that he was in stepson’s head? OF COURSE! Did stepson save the marriage between his mom and me? No. Not even close. Dylan Harper took away an offensive rebound from stepson. The second that I drove stepson back to the house, I served the divorce papers to his mom. I actually had them ready before the game because it just felt like stepson was going to miss every free throw again and not play like the Man Amongst Boys who I fell for in that series against the Cavs all those years ago. Hey, it was a good run. Too often we get to the end of these relationships and we just remember the end. Not me! Stepson’s mom was a fun time. She shaped me. But our time is over. She’ll find a new man. No problem. Sure, she’ll cry a bunch tonight. Don’t pay no mind to a woman’s tears. They’re a biological reaction to adversity. They mean nothing. Just sit back and enjoy the show of complete, pathetic desolation. Under no circumstances do you attempt to remedy a woman’s tears. That only prevents you from seeing her captivating breakdown. No, just watch. Smile and waive. Bye, stepson. Have fun with your new dad!
What did the Spurs have? They had some “Trust the Process” propaganda. They had Elon Musk out there without the Big Mexican Naturals right behind him, and giving us some serious worries about his ability to handle this Spurs situation. And there’s a situation that needs to be handled. “Michael Wright” is the preternaturally graying general manager, and we don’t know anything about him. We don’t know if he has conviction. We don’t know if he has the combination of “people skills” and stone-cold sobriety that is required to finesse a De’Aaron Fox trade for “Steady Freddy” VanVleet. Probably not. What we know is that Elon and De’Aaron are both represented by Klutch Sports agency and historically, that means that Elon is not going to demand that De’Aaron get traded for Jimmy Butler. This Spurs situation almost feels like the Sixers situation with Ben “The Quitter” Simmons. Two guys from Klutch Sports who need to leave. The Quitter was drafted by the Sixers so that means something. It’s much more difficult to trade an All-Star whom you drafted.
But yeah, De’Aaron Fox needs to leave. The Spurs thought that Dylan Harper wouldn’t immediately enter the league as the evolutionary Kyrie Irving. Well, Dylan did, and that demands that the plan be changed. Now, do “Brian Wright” and RC Buford have the testicles to change their precious plan that they’ve spent years formulating and publicly backing? Probably not. Such is life.
Here are the De’Aaron Fox trades: De’Aaron for Kyrie; De’Aaron for Isaiah Stewart, Ron Holland, and Bball Paul; De’Aaron for Grayson Allen and Dillon Brooks; De’Aaron for Jimmy Butler; De’Aaron and Catholic Hammer for French Rejection, King Leonidas, and mah nigga Terrence Shannon; Fox and Catholic Hammer for Kawhi; De’Aaron, Vassell, Carter Bryant, and the 20 pick for Giannis and Bobby Portis; De’Aaron, Keldon, and Catholic Hammer for Zion and Dejounte Murray; De’Aaron Fox for Steady Freddy, Reed Sheppard (or DFS), and Clint Capela.
There doesn’t seem to be a combination of “expert ball-handling” and “rebounding” that the Spurs would want to replace Fox with. The Suns, Rockets and Pistons feel like the teams that could most easily talk themselves into needing the things that De’Aaron Fox provides. It really frustrates us how De’Aaron doesn’t look comfortable attempting catch-and-shoot threes. De’Aaron looks like a player who got drunk off of AAU accolades, dominating against hopeless competition but then ingraining severe shortcomings that are handicapping his present ability to complement serious teammates like The Wembanyama. It would probably be acceptable if De’Aaron didn’t have pencil legs and could get some rebounds or stocks on defense. Alas, De’Aaron is physically frail. It’s almost a miracle that it wasn’t more apparent that the Knicks were targeting De’Aaron but evidently, General Woundwort scored just fine going against The Wembanyama, Stephon Castle, and Devin Vassell!
There were some bad missed passes that De’Aaron had in that game to go along with 3-15 shooting. Apparently, only one of them resulted in a turnover but that was a missed pass that Keldon could’ve grabbed for a layup. That turnover took points off the board. De’Aaron Fox is not an easy player to play with. He is not a “complimentary” player. You want De’Aaron Fox playing with Malik Monk and having the team be their show. With intermittent moments from Domantas Sabonis where he decides not to be much worse than Kevon “Looney Tunes” Looney. You do not want De’Aaron Fox setting the table for other players and you do not want De’Aaron Fox finishing catch-and-shoot threes that teammates create. That’s not who De’Aaron Fox is.
But make no mistake, the runway needs to be CLEARED for the Dylan Harper takeoff. Dylan Harper was right to push in transition during the last minute of the game. He just missed a couple of layups that he normally makes. As a Spurs backer in Game 5, I wanted the ball in Dylan’s hands. Just look at his shooting percentages (but not his free-throw percentage) and compare that to De’Aaron’s 3-15 and Castle’s 1-10. Add those two together and you get 4-25. Maybe answer the phone if someone calls about Castle, but if Castle gets offloaded, a very serious ball-handler NEEDS to be coming back along with some rebounding that can catch passes and be on the court for 15 minutes in a playoff game. Someone like Jaylin Williams, lmao!
But yes, Dylan Harper comes into the game and you immediately see him loudly proclaim himself as the contextual alpha. Does Dylan Harper make catch-and-shoot shots? Yes. Does Dylan Harper take General Woundwort to the weight room every time they're matched up? Yes. Does Dylan Harper get rebounds that make no sense? Yes. Does Dylan Harper finish around every Knicks defender at the rim? Yes. Did Dylan Harper block the Jesus out of Jordan Clarkson because Jordan refused to use his left hand at the rim? Of course. Listen, Dylan ended Miles McBride’s career by shutting him down so blatantly. Dylan Harper is a defensive game-changer on the perimeter. For Christ’s Sake, Dylan got that loose ball against General Woundwort in the last moments of the game before Mr Attendance recovered the ball and went to the free-throw line! The Spurs better change their fucking plan because Dylan Harper is what we in the legal industry call “Defeasability”. A conclusion was held true under standard circumstances (that De’Aaron Fox would need to run the show while Dylan got ready), but that conclusion can be defeated by exceptions or new, contradictory facts (that Dylan Harper is the evolutionary Kyrie Irving). Does “Brian Wright” have the enlightened mind that we have? Probably not. Does “Brian Wright” have the courage to act on new evidence? Probably not. We’ll see though!
