Cavs Win Game 4 But the Series Is Still Cooked. Plus Wolves Pick.

Day 25

Record: 33-31

The third quarter of Cavs-Pistons really put us in a sour mood. So truculent that we quit before that quarter concluded and then allowed ourselves to do even less than “mail it in” for another Cavs-Pistons write-up. Really, these teams are just so unlikable and profoundly flawed. Two Great White Sharks fighting each other while a pod of Orcas watch with amusement in the distance. Knowing full well that at any point, they can flip those two large, inflexible predators upside down and render them catatonic. That’s what the Pistons and Cavs are. Two teams that are big and scary but have these anatomical flaws that a serious team would expose and ruthlessly exploit.

The Cavs’ problem is that they play King Theoden with Wormtongue and King Theoden has to be the only non-shooter because he is a bad offensive player. King Theoden will try to post up on Duncan Robinson and turn that into a kickout pass after failing to gain any advantage on Duncan, one of the few targets on this Pistons team. Dan Gilbert and the Cavs will bankrupt America fighting wars in the Middle East before they admit they were wrong about combining King Theoden and Wormtongue. How many times have we said that?!

Despite Sam scoring thirty points in the third quarter and Little Game James looking like a bona fide second banana, the Cavs only won by nine?!

When J.B. Bickerstaff gets fired after next year (or this year if the Cavs actually come back), let’s all agree to skip the part where we’re like, “Oh, poor coach. He lost his job, and all of his assistant coaches who decided that it was OK to turn ‘coaching’ into their primary income are now out of a job. Whatever will they do? Ask their wealthy parents for money?”

J.B. Bickerstaff is a stupid man. That’s why he’s a bad playoff coach. Because in the playoffs, you need to be more than a “nice guy”. You need to do things that give your team the best chance to win. J.B. Bickerstaff consistently does not do those things. It’s OK though. His Dad got him his start in the NBA and his dad currently works in Detroit’s front office. J.B. is beyond questioning.

In the first half of this Leastern Conference Semifinals game, Caris LeVert played as well as any half of basketball that Kobe Bryant played in the second round or later. Caris was unbelievable. He inexplicably poked the ball out of King Theoden’s hands when King Theoden had nothing in front of him but the rim. That play should be on repeat in the Cavs’ front office as the picture for why King Theoden needs to be traded this offseason.

There were many made shots and even a dime to “Bball” Paul Reed for a layup around King Theoden. There was another LeVert strip on Max “Schnitzel” Strus that went out-of-bounds off Schnitzel’s leg. That was immediately followed by LeVert dishing to an open, red-hot Tobias Harris for a made three. There were at least two occasions where LeVert was guarding Sam on an island and got a stop. Again, there were many made layups and threes interspersed with this brilliant defensive effort. It was jarring to watch Caris LeVert be just as good in the playoffs as Kobe Bryant ever was. There was also the factor of the Pistons being down big at the beginning of the game because Little Game James was coming in hot. Pistons got down big early in the game and then J.B. Dumbass put in his subs and the Pistons clawed their way back to having a lead at halftime. What did J.B. Dumbass do to start the third quarter? He didn’t start Caris LeVert! Nope! He didn’t play the guy who was playing as well as you could possibly play on both ends of the court! No, J.B. Fattass had to play Ausar Thompson who can’t be a big part of a serious playoff team because he is a terrible and reluctant shooter. But in addition to being completely ignored off the ball, Ausar was dribbling off his leg and committing turnovers that led to layups. Cade, Ausar and Jalen Duren combined for 13 turnovers (5, 4, 4, respectively). Those three were just atrocious. The plus-minus stat tells the truth when it said that those three were the reasons for not covering!

You watch Jalen Duren lose the ball out of bounds when he tries to score near the rim and it’s a jarring contrast to Bball Paul and Isaiah Stewart who can convert shots around the basket without turning over the basketball. Jalen Duren has been so bad every single game in these playoffs. Is J.B. Bickerstaff’s dad going to be able to successfully blame all of this on Jalen Duren? Is J.B. Bickerstaff’s dad going to be able to save his son by trading Ausar Thompson and Jalen Duren for some players with actual NBA skills and not American qualifiers for USA Track and Field?

No.

J.B. Dumbass watched his team immediately lose control of the game the second that the third quarter started because he was playing Ausar, Jalen, and Cade together at the same time. The quarter started with a 16-0 run that I’m pretty sure got bigger. Jalen was finally subbed out after 2 minutes and thirty seconds. Ausar too, probably. J.B. Fatass put in goddamn Caris LeVert and Bball Paul to save a shitty situation that they had no responsibility in making. The broadcast camera panned to Jalen Duren and Ausar Thompson sitting next to each other on the bench after getting subbed out so quickly. The broadcast was like, “These niggas. Yeah these ones. They’re the ones pissing away this game. They’re the buffoons who J.B. Dumbass trusted to not be complete shitbags when their replacements were obviously much better.”

Yeah, don’t forget this when J.B. Dumbass gets fired unceremoniously. He’s stupid and he is inflexible to changing information. J.B. Dumbass is one of those people who stuck with Trump through the Great Inflation of 2026.

This series sucks. I guess I have to recant my statement that I would blindly pick the Pistons because the Cavs really are going to win every home game and then get punked in road games. Disgusting.

SPURS 🤠 (-10.5) over Timberwolves 🐺

- Wow! 10.5?! Yeah, we said that we’re taking The Wembanyama for the rest of the way and he’s playing. So we’re taking The Wembanyama. Please, dear God, let Anthony Edwards leave this series without any torn ligaments!