Record: 36-32
“I wanna put a little meat on the bone. Every day I get on my knees and I pray. I also do a reading assignment. I write all my feelings on a piece of paper and then I burn the paper. I also do a writing assignment. I write all my feelings down and then I burn the paper. Pray, read, and write.”
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Please God, give me the strength to be abstinent from my compulsive overeating, my gambling, my drug addiction, my sexual behavior, my abusive language, my compulsive spending, and my selfishness. Please lift my difficulties and my character defects so I can work the program of recovery one day at a time. I’m very grateful to you, God, and I’m very grateful for the program of recovery you’ve given me. I’m grateful for the abstinence you’ve given me, God, and I humble myself and thank you. I pray for H.W., Henry, Eman, Dad, and my cat Biscuits. I pray you bless them all with peace, sereneity, kindness, and good health. I pray I can be a better man one day at a time. I pray for all my firends. I pray for my enemies. And I especially pray for my family. I pray you bless them all with peace, serenity, love and kindess, and good health. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done. Amen.
Yes, it’s time to break out the Stu Feiner! Eat this dick, bitches!!! Everyone looked at Little Game James and Wormtongue win that Game 5 in Detroit and immediately forgot everything that has happened in the past 15 years of Little Game James’ playoff career! Do you know who didn’t lose their mind when it came to the showdown? Do you know who was there when NO ONE else was? Me. I was there. Because, you know what, I’m determined. There’s no other option for me. I’ll be here. Know that.
Who had the dick to see the Pistons piss away a Game 5 at home and then pick them without a moment’s hesitation? Me. I had that dick. Take a bow.
So there’s one incredible pick that really just displayed my indominable will over the plebes who peddled this state propaganda about how the Cavs never losing at home against the Raptors meant that they were never going to lose at home against the Pistons! Chef’s kiss to those professional jerkoffs who Draft Kings and FanDuel sponsor to retard America’s young men. Not me, bitches! I’m here to enlighten. I’m here to capture attention and influence minds. I transcend money. I transcend race. I transcend sickness. That’s me! Hand up!
There wasn’t just one BRILLIANT pick from me on Friday, May 15, 2026! H.W. is a Spurs fan. He’s been a Spurs fan his whole life. When I called him to nail him down on a prediction, he gave me the most pussy bullshit possible. Typical H.W. Hiding behind his fancy degrees, inherited wealth, and his JUUL pens.
“Spurs by 6.”
Yes, I said “Spurs by 12” and the final tally was about three times that. Wherever. Being adamant about a Spurs beatdown is what “Spurs by 12” conveys. I fucking knew that the Spurs were going to unleash the Kraken and end the game by staring down Alex Rodriguéz. Because I know Basketball Supernova when I see it, and these Spurs are indeed a Basketball Supernova. I recognized that when a life-long Spurs fan didn’t. What’s the difference between me and you?
We’ve watched every single Spurs game. We’ve actually made a rule that says how if the Spurs are playing, we are watching their game. We’re right there with David Robinson with our Spurs adoption! They made the Timberwolves quit before the third quarter ended! Of course, that thing that Anthony Edwards did was gross but he kinda can be forgiven because this Spurs team deserves individual congratulations before the final horn. These Spurs are just incredible. So many great players! There was just never a doubt that the Spurs would comfortably cover the pregame 5.5 line. The Timberwolves did yeoman’s work to get the deficit to a little over 10 points but you knew that the Spurs were going to come out of halftime and put the bullet train back on the tracks. You knew that they were going to cut the Timberwolves into little pieces while rocketing through the countryside at 200 miles an hour.
Nothing against the Timberwolves, but mah nigga Terrence Shannon was the only player on their roster who had a good game and Chris Finch is bizarrely bound to hating on Terrence. Did Terrence Shannon split a Vassell-Harper double team before getting an and1 on The Wembanyama at the rim? Absolutely! Stan Van Gundy was talking too much during live game action, but Stan Van did a great job telling the world that Chris Finch needs to cut the shit next year and give Terrence Shannon a serious role as a franchise pillar. And Terrence deserves it. When all of the other Timberwolves just resigned themselves to not going at The Wembanyama’s chest, Terrence Shannon was still there at the hoedown, going right at the Martian who has come here with his heat beam of pulverization. Fucking free mah nigga, Chris Finch. You better do that!
Anthony Edwards fell down on a midrange shot right in front of Christ Finch. Chris helped Anthony get up and it’s miraculous that Chris didn’t tear his knee tendon doing that.
Stan Van is fine when he doesn’t talk over the game. He was beyond himself with obvious joy at watching what a sex volcano this Spurs team is. “Wow the Spurs are incredible” with involuntary chuckles and laughs, are a welcome presence in the Stan Van color commentary. And pair that with Ian Eagle? That’s a broadcast off mute! Ian Eagle doesn’t talk a lot even without Stan Van filibustering, and that’s excellent. Ian says a lot of great lines. Some of which were: “Castle in the sky!!!”, “Champagnie pops the cork from three”, and “Harper never out of control”.
Last thing on the Timberwolves. Was that Marc Lore’s daughter sitting between him and A-Rod? She’s kinda hot. Although she might have a receding hairline (which would point to her being Marc Lore’s daughter). Who knows. Maybe the blood of lambs that she cleanses herself with at the Lore household turns her from “average” into “kinda hot”. Marc Lore’s daughter looks to be under 18 and she certainly looks like she has some “growing up” to do. Some “growing up” or some “work to be done”. Marc Lore can talk to Mr. President about having some “work” done on daughters in their late teens.
The first Spur that has to be brought up is Stephon Castle. French Rejection was guarding him and Castle went 5-7 from three. Castle was on fire in this game. He came out like Elon had told him that French Rejection was going to “guard” him and that he needed to want to win the game making outside shots. Castle made his first 4 wide-open threes and interspersed that marksmanship with dogwalking Anthony Edwards to the rim, overpowering Mike Conley (RIP) on a layup, and making an and1 off an offensive rebound through Ayo Dosunmu and Julius Randle (lol).
Quick note on Randle, Stan Van said that Julius Randle “bullies everyone in the league”. Stan Van was being racist there. Stan Van was falling for the charm of Randle’s big, black muscles there. Julius does not take shots moving forwards if the player guarding him is the same size, or Stephon Castle. Julius Randle is lowkey a “soft big”. He’s the complete opposite of Terrence Shannon who is a certified warrior. Sorry, Stan Van. I know your wife died and you’re this chubby, harmless old man who means well but you talk too much during live action and you’re a racist for buying into Julius Randle’s lies.
So yeah, Stephon Castle was making every three, getting numerous and1’s, dunking around Timberwolves defenders, and getting steals. That was a game that will turn haters on Stephon Castle like me into believers. There are still some issues that have to do with the quality of competition that these injured Timberwolves represent, but if Stephon Castle has one game like this against the Thunder, I was wrong to ever doubt Stephon Castle and include him in the breakdown for why that draft class was so disgusting.
Even with Stephon Castle hitting every three, he still did the thing where you set a screen for the guy dribbling while the person guarding Castle (French Rejection) was in the paint. Those screens are called “screen assists” I believe, and Ausar Thompson doesn’t do those. Elon Musk teaches his players basic offensive strategy better than JB Dumbass.
But Stephon wasn’t only dunking a lot, taking every Timberwolf to the weight room, and making every three. Castle was also making some incredible passes! There was one to The Wembanyama under the rim that will be lost to history because it led to a missed shot and foul shots so there won’t be any stat for that pass. There was a look-away where Castle looked to the corner to move Jaden McDaniels away from The Wembanyama at the rim. No-look pass to The Wembanyama there. That was an assist and it was a feeling pass that we didn’t know Castle could do. The rest were just passes to open shooters who the Timberwolves were too tired to bother. But there were some dimes in the Stephon Castle Game 6 highlight pack!
Many Spurs players had point totals that were twice the amount of attempts they took. Stephon Castle, De’Aaron Fox, Dylan Harper, Julian Champagnie, The Wembanyama, Catholic Hammer. That’s a lot of guys and it accurately reflects what a frightening force that Spurs offense was. They totally broke the Timberwolves. The Revenge Spurs of 2014 would make teams give up from exhaustion trying to guard the pass and shooters hunting open shots. This Spurs team doesn’t quite pass like that. This Spurs team uses dribble penetration more. There was no Dylan Harper on the Revenge Spurs. No Stephon Castle to get three and1’s and 2 dunks in half-court offense. No De’Aaron Fox to make impossible shots with Julius Randle holding him. No, this Spurs team features guys who embarrass you off the dribble while also having a little room for some five-pass possessions that lead to Julian Champagnie popping the cork from three and telling A-Rod, “y’all niggas ain’t shit”. Yeah, that’s this Spurs team and that’s why we’ve watched every single one of their games. Obviously, we are going to watch every game from the Spurs going forward! It’s one game a day time!
Yes, Catholic Hammer had twice as many points as shot attempts. He also led the team with 4 blocks. Catholic Hammer was sensational yesterday. In that game, he was much better than Domantas Sabonis ever was in the playoffs and Catholic Hammer gets paid a third of what Saboner makes. Maybe a fourth! But Catholic Hammer was protecting the rim, getting offensive rebound putbacks, and perfectly swishing free throws. He is an excellent free throw shooter. Almost as good as The Wembanyama. So maybe second-best on the team?! Lmao!
OK, it’s Dylan Harper time! We made Dad watch every single one of Dylan’s made shots from Game 6. He really is the evolutionary Kyrie. Less shot-making. More strength. More rebounding. Dylan is a little more efficient with his movements. Dylan makes like water on his drives and magically creates layups with as little extra movement as possible. Kyrie will do some extra gymnastics on his forays. It really is just a delight to watch Dylan Harper pivot around the rim and finish with his right (off) hand. Over players much larger than him! Jaden McDaniels, French Rejection, everyone! Every game, Dylan Harper emulates Mike Conley. Dylan is a rookie! This does not happen! We can not emphasize that strongly enough!
Dylan Harper sometimes doesn’t finish with a lot of assists but he’s not lowkey a ballhog like Kyrie. Dylan moves around a lot off the ball. He did a give-and-go on Julius Randle at halfcourt for Christ’s sake. He makes the pass that leads to swinging the ball to an open shooter. You feel like Dylan has his teammates’ joy as a priority while watching him play. Kyrie kind of had a feel like the game was about you watching him do things that you didn’t think were possible and that sometimes came at the expense of his teammates feeling included. That’s not so with Dylan.
Dylan loves a good pass-fake. He completely fooled Terrence on one before driving to the rim and kicking out to The Wembanyama before a made wide-open Devin Vassell three. When people talk about Dylan Harper’s craft, they’re talking about his pass-fakes, his pump-fakes (especially around the rim), and his pivots (especially around the rim). Sure, there’s the stuff where he refuses to give up his dribble while moving through three people. That’s just plain magic.
You get excited every time Dylan Harper gets the ball. Is there another player in the league who you feel that for? You used to feel it with Kyrie when he had LeBron to keep him in line with the team. Even Warriors fans kinda wanted to see what Kyrie was going to do when he got the ball during that 3-1 comeback.
Did De’Aaron Fox finally have a good game? Did I ask H.W. before the game if he thought De’Aaron would finally announce his presence? Did H.W. give me some hedging lawyer speak that said nothing? All of those things, yes. 21 points on 10 shot attempts, 9 assists, 2 blocks, 1 turnover. Incredible game from De’Aaron Fox. There were moments early in the third quarter where you felt like the Spurs were forgetting about giving The Wembanyama the ball and in those moments, De’Aaron Fox made three-quarters court outlets to the streaking Frenchman. De’Aaron Fox had one of those games that make you believe in him as a “veteran presence”.
He took open threes and made all of them. He manufactured layups out of close ball pressure from the Timberwolves perimeter defenders. He made the most difficult make of the game with Julius Randle riding him along the foul line. Yes, H.W. said that if De’Aaron Fox was going to have a good game, the Spurs would win by double-digits. But H.W. said the Spurs would win by six so we can put 2 and 2 together and allow H.W. to preserve his ability to not say direct things that can be proved wrong in a court of law. Pussy. No wonder he took the Cavs to cover against the Pistons.
That’s really all there needs to be said about these Spurs! The Wembanyama was good. He’s their best player but you didn’t come away from that game like you came away from the game where The Wembanyama had 35 points, 10 rebounds and 5 blocks. The Wembanyama didn’t make you think that he was a Martian escaping a decaying planet by laying waste to the people of Earth so that his superior race can continue unbothered by the rapaciousness of Man. No, you left this game bewildered at the Spurs’ guards and how automatic Julian Champagnie seems to be. This Spurs roster is just a masterpiece of team-building. You understand that when they win closeout games on the road by 30 and make Anthony Edwards dab up every single one of their players on the bench at the BEGINNING of the fourth quarter. Bow down to excellence.
PISTONS 🚗 (-4.5) over Cavaliers 🤺
- No, I am not going to hop off the Pistons bandwagon after sticking it up all of your asses with that incredible Pistons pick in Game 6. I can’t sit here knowing that I took Little Game James to cover a Game 7. I can’t watch a Pistons-Cavs game and “root” for the Cavs. Can’t do it!
