Record: 44-38
“And scattered about it, some in their overturned war-machines, some in the now rigid handling-machines, and a dozen of them stark and silent and laid in a row, were the Martians–dead !-- slain by the putrefactive and disease bacteria against which their systems were unprepared ; slain, after all man’s devices had failed, by the humblest things that God, in his wisdom, has put upon this earth.”
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What’s the test on whether or not a team is likable and really needs to win the NBA championship? When you pick against them but as the game goes on, you root for them and scream when they do things that advance their conquest of winning. That’s the test. This Knicks team passed that test. We haven’t looked at the Game 3 spread but we have a hard time imagining picking against the Knicks for the rest of The Finals after watching that jaw-dropping Game 2. Sorry, not sorry.
How? Why? That definitely wasn’t supposed to happen! The Spurs were significant favorites before this series started. In no universe were the Spurs and The Wembanyama supposed to lose this Game 2! And they actually needed some minor miracles to make the game close at the end! Once again, the final score was not really reflective of what happened in this game. The Spurs did not play well. They started the game hot from three but the Knicks don’t get blown out. The Knicks are the most mentally tough team in the playoffs. The most resilient. It’s really just outside our ability to comprehend things. That this Knicks team led by Kovid Towns is weathering these Spurs haymakers in San Antonio and staying close enough to issue a real legitimate counter-strike. This is Kovid Towns. He’s being the best player on the floor! This is Mike Brown! Listen, Mike Brown seems to be instilling his team with unmatched perseverance. An unmatched trust in each other. A collective strategy to hunt effectively. Mike Brown is having these between-quarters interviews with Lisa Salters about “weathering the storm”. Mike Brown is walking around on the sideline like the picture of calm certainty. Mike Brown is saving his challenges for plays that affect the scoreboard. Yes, Mike Brown is contributing to winning with his challenges. Right now, Mike Brown is the best coach in the NBA. The same guy who tricked NBA Owner Oligarchs into giving him jobs because of his color-coded binders. Yes, some people make it after they fake it. Some desperate, funded men are breaking into software development (and surviving layoffs) with all of the cheating tools that Large Language Models provide, and Mike Brown is becoming the best coach in the NBA after breaking in with all of the color-coded notes that he could find. Wild stuff.
When Kovid Towns wins this championship being the best player on the court, we’re going to start having discussions about him being better than Tom Riddle. It will be unfair because Tom Riddle’s had to play for the Kroenke’s (who have given a max contract to Limp Dick while also paying Zeke Nnaji and Brawny), but Kovid has beaten Tom Riddle in the Bestern Conference Championship and Kovid Towns is about to take down The Wembanyama. These are uncertain times. Kovid Towns is the same guy who Jimmy Butler gave the Stamp of Disapproval. Jimmy is always right! We worship at the altar of Jimmy Butler! Jimmy was wrong about Kovid Towns! How is this happening!?!
Stop.
We’ll address Kovid Towns being an unstoppable force in The Finals, but Game 2 was about the Spurs losing more than about the Knicks winning. This was about the Spurs not matching the team-wide determination of the Knicks. In a Game 2 at home down 0-1. Wow.
But first, let’s talk about the dipshit refs. This game was not the pinnacle of officiating that Game 1 was, but it wasn’t bad. Tony Brothers absolutely missed what should’ve been an obvious three-shot foul on Champagnie against OG Anunoby but luckily for everyone, Mike Brown had a challenge and used it there. “Josh Tiven” missed an egregious travelling violation on De’Aaron Fox that was maybe confusing. General Woundwort tipped the ball out of Fox’s hands and Fox regained possession. That happened. But Fox stopped his dribble after that initial establishment of possession and then started dribbling again after stopping. Fox got an and1 on what should’ve been a travel. Looking at it while it was happening, you definitely sensed something that was off with The Force. Something tells me that during these game breakdowns involving the dipshit refs and the People In Charge, “I felt something was really off” is severely reprimanded when offered as a reason for making a call. But in this case, someone needed to sense that Fox travelled, and no one did. Tyler Ford might be the thirstiest dipshit ref. He looks like someone who is dying to point to his penis on national television. He was clearly dying to make a loud backcourt violation on Deuce McBride that wasn’t actually a backcourt violation. That’s a call that needs to be no-doubt-about-it-obvious and Tyler Ford made that call without that threshold. Earlier in the game, Josh Tiven also gave Mitchell “stepson” Robinson a technical foul that needed to be a double-tech on The Wembanyama also. Mike Breen was lambasting that call on the air and it needed to be lambasted. There was also Tony Brothers giving Devin Vassell an and1 three because General Woundwort hit his hair. We don’t know how to judge that, but the broadcasters and Dad seemed to have an unfavorable opinion of that call. The dipshit refs failed to call a goaltending on The Wembanyama and there should be at least one of those calls every game. They definitely had an opportunity on that layup attempt by Grand Theft Alvarado. We actually can not remember the dipshit refs calling one travel. Shout out to Scott Foster. Evidently, calling travelling is extremely difficult at the highest level of the sport. But having said all that, the game played out how it should’ve. The Knicks thoroughly deserved to win and The Wembanyama barely missed what would’ve been a game-winner.
How were the Knicks showing us their team collectiveness? Well, the entire bench stands up even during the second quarter. The Spurs do not do that. Every Knicks player on the court either screams or goes face-to-face with De’Aaron Fox. It just looks like the Knicks who play are ready to die for the win while The Wembanyama is giving big speeches in huddles and just talking about dying to win. Oh, and Keldon Johnson isn’t convincing us of anything with his screams. Keldon looks like Christian Brawny when he screams. Trying to convince himself that he’s not a screaming liability out there on that court.
“Let’s just get rid of Johnson all together.”
Yeah, Dad has been fed up with Keldon Johnson and Keldon now has an ongoing target of derision on him. He wasn’t the reason that the Spurs lost but he’s not making shots, he’s committing called charges against General Woundwort, and he’s not able to guard anyone. Long gone are the days when Keldon was killing Oklahoma City.
“Victor is performing at a very low level and I’m not going to watch that.”
Yeah, that’s what Dad said after he stopped watching at the end of the third quarter. Prophetic words considering The Wembanyama lost the game throwing a bad pass and barely missing the game-winner over stepson. Having said that, The Wembanyama’s stats tell you the Story Of Us. I used to think that one day we’d tell the story of The Wembanyama and the Spurs taking over Earth. Well, it’s a tragedy now because we’re not picking against the Knicks again!
Did Taylor Swift get her implants by 2010? She was 21 and that’s a little early for someone who hasn’t already had two kids to get the implants that Taylor has now.
The Wembanyama was great. Who are we kidding?! Dad isn’t understanding what he’s watching. This was about Stephon Castle throwing the game, Champagnie being bad, and Keldon being bad but also playing 15 minutes (a lot).
Sure, The Wembanyama had four turnovers. He missed three free throws. He looked really tired during the second half. The Knicks seemed to be targeting The Wembanyama on switches and the Knicks were also more willingly attempting layups with The Wembanyama in the game during the second half. It’s like Mike Brown implores his team to get The Wembanyama tired by refusing to stop attacking him. Wild stuff. Does Mike Brown have a grand plan to wear down The Wembanyama? Because it feels like he does based off of how the Knicks play basketball!
You check the final score to see how many points the Knicks scored because the Spurs had good production from Fox, Harper, and Vassell but you remember watching the game and thinking that the Spurs aren’t helping The Wembanyama. 105 points. Nothing crazy but the game was about the Spurs not being able to get stops… or defensive rebounds. So many long rebounds went to the Knicks. That’s how the Spurs supporting actors didn’t help The Wembanyama. Not securing defensive rebounds. And turnovers. Especially the ones from Stephon Castle. Can Stephon Castle remind everyone about how he’s a “point guard”? Nigga ain’t shit. Only 4 turnovers in the box score. At least two of them were pick6 interceptions that turned into fast-break layups. There was one pick-and-roll that Castle had with The Wembanyama that Castle turned into a kickout pass that was intercepted. That’s almost a magic trick. Turning a pick-and-roll with The Wembanyama into an intercepted kickout pass. Jesus Christ. When the Spurs lose this series and we perform our autopsy on this Spurs team, we’re going to blame this Finals loss on Stephon Castle for playing dumb basketball and missing a lot of shots. Now, it sure doesn’t feel smart to trade him considering that he provides a real physical presence against the Thunder, but Stephon is not taking this Knicks team to the weight room like Dylan Harper is. And these turnovers are insane. It makes sense that Castle would “grow” from this experience but right now, Castle is the picture boy for the Spurs “not being ready” to complete The Mission. Yes, Castle might’ve had the most impressive Spurs offensive play with that juke on General Woundwort, but Stephon Castle was by far the biggest reason the Spurs screwed up this Finals appearance. All four recorded turnovers were in the second half and all of them seemed to turn pick-and-rolls into Knicks’ fast breaks.
Castle also committed a three-shot foul on Grand Theft Alvarado at the end of the shot clock because GTA did a pump-fake that Castle bit on. GTA missed one of those foul shots. Castle is playing dumb defense, getting swatted by Josh Hart, being a disaster orchestrating the pick-and-roll, and missing shots. Castle’s defense on General Woundwort doesn’t do anything. That’s wild. Whatever makes someone a good defender against General Woundwort is confounding. Devin Vassell seems to be the best defender of General Woundwort. Trying to grab and hold General Woundwort is not the move. Somehow, despite being six feet tall, GW is incapable of being physically punked. It’s truly baffling. You just have to stay down and contest the shot at the right time, with the right technique. Vassell is the long, athletic player who fits that bill. Keldon Johnson, Stephon Castle, and Julian Champagnie are not.
32 minutes for Dylan Harper. More than in Game 1, but still not enough. Another part of this Spurs autopsy will be blaming Elon Musk for refusing to just give Dylan Harper the reins. People are going to give Elon a pass because of the politics involved with benching Castle and/or Fox for rookie Dylan Harper. We’re not “people”. Elon has fucked up the season by not having the courage to do what was obviously right and play Dylan Harper at De’Aaron Fox’s expense in Game 1, and at Stephon Castle’s expense in Game 2. Elon almost got there in Game 2, but he needed more dick that he just didn’t have. Big Mexican Naturals were not in their customary spots. Maybe Elon becomes a better coach with four BMN behind him.
And make no mistake, Dylan Harper was loudly excellent again in Game 2. Imagine if Elon actually demanded that the team have just Harper/The Wembanyama pick-and-rolls instead of with Castle?!? Wow! Because as it is, Dylan Harper just gets the ball and slithers around whoever is guarding him without the cheat code that is a ball screen from The Wembanyama. Six of nine, excluding threes, with that one dunk through the Knicks after dusting Landry Shamet. And Harper shuts down who he guards. He makes Deuce McBride completely unable to dribble. What is Elon doing?!
Enough of this Spurs Shitshow. Fuck the Spurs.
Is Kovid Towns better than Tom Riddle?! He can’t be! But look at what is happening in this series! On the road, Kovid Towns is dragging his team to victory in the face of tremendous uncertainty! We listened to Kovid’s postgame interview with Lisa “Aunt Jemima” Salters, and we were actually impressed with how Kovid was speaking! He didn’t sound retarded at all! He’s complimenting the Spurs immediately after KICKING THEIR ASS. What we are seeing with Kovid Towns right now is just plainly not what we expected to ever see. It’s outside our ability to comprehend. Listen, we’re just liars, cheaters, crooks, and charlatans. We’re not actually smart. We’re just spiritually open. We’re blank slates. We’re parrots just mimicking what our subconscious remembers. There’s no genuinely groundbreaking thot happening behind these curtains.
Listen, Kovid Towns screamed at The Wembanyama during the beginning of the game after reverse-dunking on his Martian ass. And you believed it. You watched Kovid Towns look into the face of The Wembanyama, with all of The Wembanyama’s heat rays and Martian technology that the world can barely understand, and Kovid screamed in his face like there was zero doubt in Kovid’s mind that he was going to win that GODDAMN GAME 2 ON THE ROAD! Jesus Fucking Christ. You saw the lack of doubt in Kovid Towns at the end of the second quarter when he took that open corner three in front of the Knicks’ bench and knew for every moment that that three was going to perfectly swish. All of Kovid’s made three’s were perfect swishes that Kovid had complete faith in. These were attempts taken during the part of the game that felt like an impending Spurs avalanche. Moments of doubt. Mountains that Kovid Towns is resolutely climbing one step at a time. We just could not be any more impressed with Kovid Towns. Which All-NBA team was he on?!
And the other Knicks understand that Kovid needs to get the fucking ball. Only 12 attempts for Kovid on the day. Some of those assists are from Kovid deciding to spray the ball instead of go up with it while 4 Spurs are in the paint. The Spurs have no one to guard Kovid Towns and it’s losing them games. And don’t forget about Kovid’s AMAZING rebounding. No one does a better job of boxing out The Wembanyama than Kovid Towns. Even stepson. Stepson actually leaves us very disappointed because he’s not taking every opportunity to hurt The Wembanyama on box-out opportunities. Those are the opportunities when the dipshit refs allow you to smash into The Wembanyama. Not while The Wembanyama is establishing position to catch a post-entry pass. C’mon stepson! You had that stop to win the game, and it looked like you were ready to traverse the stands to celebrate with the Knicks fans, but you need to hurt The Wembanyama more on box-out chances.
The Knicks’ second-best player was Mikal “Mr Attendance” Bridges. Jesus Christ, there was time during the end of the third quarter when Mike Brown rested Kovid and General Woundwort at the same time, and Mr Attendance INCREASED the lead! Mr Attendance has been on a historic shooting tear. He’s just not missing and all of these shot attempts from Mr Attendance look like their being taken while Mr Attendance is in “flow state”. The plus-minuses of the Knicks tell you an accurate story. They play better with GTA because GTA gives the ball to Mr Attendance, Kovid… and Landry Shamet.
Not only is Mr Attendance shooting over 60% from the field on 13 attempts, but he’s getting stops on defense. He screamed after shutting down De’Aaron Fox at the end of the second quarter. Mr Attendance uses his long arms to stay down on defense, not bite on pump-fakes, and still bother shot attempts. Besides Dylan Harper, all the Spurs seem to have major problems scoring on Mr Attendance. That physical profile makes sense against De’Aaron Fox, who, despite being 27, has the leg strength of a sixteen-year-old. Look at De’Aaron Fox’s legs!
But in addition to superb offense and defense, Mr Attendance is drawing offensive fouls on The Wembanyama. Mr Attendance is just playing amazing. Definitely worth the price the Knicks paid in draft picks for him.
Have we said nothing about General Woundwort? He’s shooting too much! That’s actually the Spurs gameplan! Make General Woundwort shoot the ball because Kovid, OG, Mr Attendance, and Landry Shamet aren’t missing! Yes, GW had a bunch of steals that won the game. GW had that fourth quarter in Game 1 but besides that, he’s been bad on offense. There was a made three right in the face of The Wembanyama, but there were 18 missed shots from General Woundwort. We’re going to believe you when you tell us that will change in Madison Square Garden, and it doesn’t matter now because the series is over, but General Woundwort was bad on offense in Game 2. He made a few extremely difficult shots. Congratulations. He’s being the definition of a chucking LNG. If you don’t know what that acronym stands for, you’re on your own. It’s not Liquefied Natural Gas.
Landry Shamet. Jesus Goddamn. He’s coming into these games with the face of a warrior. Shout out to Julian Champagnie for leaving Landry Shamet to double-team General Woundwort at the top of the three-point line. So retarded. All of his made threes came in a 12-minute stretch spanning between the middle of the third and the first third of the fourth. Landry Shamet is here to win a championship. He has ZERO hesitation on his attempts and these makes feel big.
And it’s not just the big three-point makes from Landry Shamet. He prevented an alley-oop to The Wembanyama from being converted. Now, there’s no way that wasn’t a foul, but the dipshit refs didn’t call it! Landry Shamet is also making these layups when The Wembanyama is on the court and tired during the first half. Yes, Landry Shamet blew by The Wembanyama out at the corner and converted a layup after dusting the unanimous defensive player of the year. This is Landry Shamet! He’s taking layups like he’s demanding that The Wembanyama prove it to him every time. You don’t dissuade Landry Shamet. It’s on you to put him down every time. And right now, The Wembanyama is not putting down Landry Shamet.
The Knicks plainly relish making extra passes and driving and kicking in half-court offense. It’s the Beautiful Game that they’ve been playing this whole playoffs. We had the chance to give everyone the middle finger by picking the Knicks to cover Game 2, and we didn’t take it. That’s on us. But by gosh, by golly, we’re here now. We’re riding the Knicks train. Fuck logic. Fuck “analytics” and all the marketing words used to jack off the Oligarchs of American companies. This is for the people. This is Knicks basketball.
The Martians are dead.
KNICKS 👖 (-2.5) over Spurs 🤠
- Eat this dick. What, you think the dipshit refs are going to make sure this isn’t a sweep? Well, fuck off. We’re taking the Knicks.
